Feelings.

21 May

  How do I feel? Sometimes I feel like it’s raining every day. I feel like storm clouds chase after me because I’m too afraid to play in the puddles, too afraid to get dirty. Somedays I wonder if they name hurricanes after bad people. People that leave destruction everywhere. Because I feel that is me on days like this. I want to know a lot of things but I am too shy to ask the questions. I get told that I don’t speak loud enough, that my voice is everyone’s whisper. Been told that I speak too fast like I need to get out everything I need to say, before someone loses interest, before someone else walks away. People have been walking away since day one. It is the reason I let everyone walk all over me. I’ve been a carpet, a soft landing, a back up plan for so many of my friends that I sometimes feel like maybe I am nothing. Maybe I should give up. But the world is going to keep on turning if you are there or not, so be there. Be there to enjoy the beauty because when it’s not raining it’s beautiful. And when you aren’t thinking about death you are living. And living isn’t always going to be fucking easy. Why does no-one ever tell you that?

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